she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
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