Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
