He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you have to choose: penises or morals?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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