If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
