So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
