need another drink. this is the easiest way
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize