I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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