Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
