I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
