I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
