My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
