I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
It's never too late to be topless.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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