Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
