guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
