Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
