I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I booty called her while she was in labor.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
