Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
