dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
