just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
