I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
