She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
