Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize