she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
