His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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