You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Randomize
