i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
