Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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