Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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