Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
