My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
pop tarts are not kleenex
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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