I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
