WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
