Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
