Come see our sink grown plant.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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