When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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