Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
