Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
