I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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