Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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