Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
