I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
