This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
These tits shall not be calmed
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
