end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
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