May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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