Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I deserve this hangover.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
