got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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