HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
