My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
