I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
