Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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