I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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