I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I can't turn off my feet"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
