We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
