its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
