I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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