I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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