It was confusing and full of hummus
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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