Whatcha textin bout Willis?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Randomize
