I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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