The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize