false alarm. still invincible.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
